A Birthday Wishlist

Next month is my birthday! Yaayy! Honestly, noot sure how I feel about turning 23, although I'm not allowed to voice this ageing anxiety as my boyfriend just turned 30! The death glare I get when I say;
"Omg, I can't believe I'm going to be 23!" is entirely terrifying.
I've been told plenty of times that I'm 'picky' and hard to buy for, which I didn't really think was true until I thought back to how many Christmas and Birthdays where I've had to do the fake smile at presents I unfortunately didn't like. Hmm, turns out I have a very hard to pin down taste.
I've learnt this more thoroughly over the last few months when trying to decide on home decoration & décor with my 'bae'; he say's I like neutral and boring or outright crazy. Also I have a nak for choosing the most expensive stuff ... even when it comes to plant's for the garden! Well, hopefully that just means I have good taste ... right?!?

So a few years ago I got into a habit of sending my parents and my boyfriend a little list each of ideas of things they could get me when such an occasion is looming. They love this because they know whatever they get me I'm going to love, and I tend to go the extra mile for them and find a link to somewhere they can buy the item. Convenience always wins!
I try to add as many things I can think of that I've been lusting after so they have the opportunity to pick and choose so I still get a bit of a surprise. My birthday is just under a month away so I've been jotting down some ideas this week and thought it would be fun to share some of them. If anyone has a friend or family member with a birthday coming up this could be helpful. Basically I want to just rant about what I wish I could buy right now if I wasn't a student, aha!

First up, I really need a mixing bowl! Since I moved out of my parent's last September I've had to be quite creative when it comes to mixing baking ingredients. Saucepans have been very handy ... I think it's time I had a proper bowl in my life. I adore this one I found on Amazon, and it's half price atm. Quick Mum, get in there!! It's a lovely neutral ceramic with just these clean, chic lines around the edge. LOVE. On the baking theme I remembered, on two separate visits to Homesense, literally drooling over these two baking books; Indulgent Cakes & Decorated. If you like decadent cakes, stunning flavours and gain immense satisfaction from beautiful food photography and THE most elegant typography; *siiiiiigh* these books are for you! Every. Single. Page. is essentially cake porn!
On the beauty side of things, something I feel so cheeky asking for are the Zoeva Rose Gold Brush Set. What can I say; they're beautiful, I want them in my life and if someone is up for spoiling me, this would be how! Something much more reasonably priced, but still just as beautiful is the Zoeva Cocoa Blend Eyeshadow Palette. I don't know what it is atm, but I am just so into eyeshadow! I've been using my Naked 2 & 3 palettes in excess the last few months. Even when I'm just popping out to Tesco with Carl for our weekly shop I keep ending up with half the palette's smeared on my lids!
The perfect dramatic smoky eye for picking up your milk on a Monday afternoon - I've got it down!
I'm also on a new hunt for my perfect base. Something light but with good coverage. So I've included some drug store and higher end foundations that I'd love to try - the Bourjois Healthy Mix Serum & Bareminerals Complexion Rescue. Adding in bits and bobs that people can pick up or order from Boot's and Amazon is super handy for them.
Yankee Candles are always a lovely gift, I adore getting these for people and they have a size for every budget! When I was in high school, me and my friends would always include one of the Yankee Candle Votives when buying each other presents. So cute! I'm currently a bit in love with the Red Raspberry scent. The fruity candles are right up my alley!

I am sure I will be finding a few more ideas to chuck in the direction of relatives when they ask me, or my Mum who then asks me, the inevitable "what do you want for your birthday??" but I figured these were the most share worthy. For example I'm thinking my Mum will get a kick out of getting me a Banana Case!! I'm anticipating it will be handy for commuting to university in September! As I mentioned in my last post, I hate brown bananas.

Well I hope that, if you happen to have made it this far (comment if you did, I will be amazed!) I hope you enjoyed this! I think I've blown my previous babbling record out of the window here!
What's on your birthday wishlist??

Struggling with Self Doubt

This is a different kind of post for me, I've not sat down before and just written about something personal, something I'm struggling with. To be honest I'm not the sort of person who shares the thing's that are going on inside my head. I'm a bit of a bottler ...

 

I really, really struggle with self doubt. I've always been creative, but over the last few years my doubt and fear has become a really controlling part of my creative process. It's gotten so bad now that it's leaking out into every aspect of my life. I doubt everything! 

 

I've been coming back to the post over and over this last week, it started off as a total meltdown, but now I'm rewriting it for the third time, I'm seeing it with a bit more perspective and understanding.

It's fear! Fear of being wrong, fear of not being good enough. Shooting myself and my ideas down before they actually physically exist!

 

I don't remember being so afraid to put myself out there when I was younger, but somewhere along the lines; those nasty little voices in the back of my head that told me I wasn't good enough, started getting louder. I know I'm quite a critical person, I can be a bit of a perfectionist and a control freak when it comes to anything creative and visual. But instead of driving me forward, it's starting to pull me down. I'm afraid to attempt my ideas for the fear of my own critical voices.

 

I'm going into my second year of my Illustration degree in September and I already know I don't want to be the one standing in my own way! I don't want to ever feel like I could have done better but I was afraid to go for it! And I enjoy blogging! But I have the same voices holding my back from posting as much as I would like. I want to change this, and start right now!

 

I'm not really sure how best to go about changing the way I feel, this is really just the beginning.

But even if no one reads this, just having gone through the process from draft one to posting this now; I already feel like I have a more positive outlook for what's ahead. I'm ready to improve my confidence, not be afraid to unleash my full creativity and banish those voices so far to the back of my mind I never hear them again!

 

Life Update, 70's Off The Shoulder & Pining for Japan

Blue Floral Gypsy Crop Top, Black Fedora, Tan Salt Water Sandals

Black Ripped Jeans, Tan Fringed Bag

Um, yes ... a month since my last post. Blogging fail! I didn't intend to take a months hiatus, but moving house is SOO time consuming. Me and my bf Carl are now recognisable regulars at our local Homebase and B&Q! So ... many ... paint ... samples! 

Moving into the house has been so much fun, and I've been working on a couple of out of the blue projects. Doing all the visual design work for a cycling project in my local area and a food photography commission for the bakery I used to work in. Both have involved me learning/making it up as I go along, but it's been fun to say yes to things I didn't think I could do (and have them turn out pretty decent if I do say so myself)

My desk in the house is still a work in progress; although hopefully it will be done soon and then it's time to knuckle down to my summer illustration project and jump back on the blogging train! Yay!

Anyway, on to today's 'What I Wish I Was Wearing Today' (mm WIWIWWT?? Can I make this a thing) I'm currently still in my pyjamas and Carl's dressing gown btw ha! ... The first official day of summer is here and it's warm enough now for me to consider going shopping for some summer appropriate attire. Didn't think I'd be feeling any of the 70's trend but I am in LOVE with off the shoulder floaty tops, fringing and hats. Yes Mum, you heard right! (Ah, so much of my childhood consisted of her trying to get me to wear effing hats)
But I'm officially on the hunt for my perfect fedora. Also a strapless bra ... the only downside to all these off the shoulder tops if your a bit bigger in the boob department.

One item from this look I do own as of last month, and have been wearing every day since they arrived are my Salt Water sandals. Last summer it was all about my Birkenstocks, which I still adore to the ends of the earth, but right now the spotlight is on these new tan leather beauties. Comfy, cute and a little retro looking with some rolled up jeans. I'm in love!

This month has also been the month of picking back up with my Japanese. I went on a trip to Japan in 2009 (can't believe it was that long ago!) with my family to visit a University friend of my Mum's who lives there. So started my love affair of the country. Since then I've on and off tried learning the language with out much success. But after seeing Carrie of wishwishwish's posts of her travels there, her guide to tokyo; Lisa Eldridge's Japanese makeup look and discovering the adorable Hayley Miller, a teacher on the JET program in Japan; it's all rekindled my love and passion for the country, culture and the language. I was totally obsessed with Japan when I got back from our trip over 5 years ago (All my A level Art and Textiles project's were inspired by Japan) but at the time I didn't have any friend's who shared my interests in Anime, cute Gyaru girls and sushi. I wish I'd had, pardon my English, the ball's to peruse my passion for Japan then and looked for opportunities maybe to study at higher education (I didn't even suspect or consider this until meeting student's learning Japanese at my university last year) But now I'm a bit older and so much more confident in myself I'm determined to pick up learning the language again. And start saving for another trip there asap ...

Bye Bye Student Hall's, Hello New House

Well hi there, it's been a while!
I have been very MIA this last month, thing's have been a bit up in the air to say the least.
April was a busy month of traveling between home and university; with Easter holiday, deadlines, exams, birthdays and saw the end of my first year as an Illustration student! Yay!
Overall it's been good, tough, but good. I like to think of it as a warm up year. I've had encouraging feedback on my work and already I can see how far I've come since last September.
I was so so relieved to leave my student hall's. I sort of exited with my middle finger up shouting something like "Outta here, bitcheeeesss!". Living away from home and especially my boyfriend was really the hardest part. I think we've been made stronger for the last 8 months, and it's helped me figure out what I really want in life right now.
And now were living together again! It was all such a whirl wind, my boyfriend deciding to get his own place and going through the whole house buying process. Timing could not have been more perfect as he got the keys the week of my last project deadline.
It's been wonderful moving in, starting to decorate and seeing the house coming together bit by bit; but living with my best friend again is just the best part.
I'm SO excited to have this stretch of free time ahead of me to just be creative. I'm looking forward to being able to put my energies back into this blog, get some of my illustrative endeavours up and running and start work on some of the many projects I've got in mind for the house! So keep an eye on this space, it's going to get quite busy.

Anyone who's lived in shared university accommodation, I'm sure will appreciate the joy's of returning home or moving out to your own real world place. Such sweet simple pleasure's ...

• The kitchen is clean, and stay's clean; hallelujah!
• Nobody playing loud music, or having drunken parties till 5am when your trying to sleep.
• I have a nice garden to look out my window at, instead of a gloomy factory.
• Not being stuck, living in the same tiny room day in day out.
• My diet doesn't just consist of tuna pasta here.
• I don't have to be wrapped up in my duvet all day to keep warm; aah, heating that works.
• I have normal day time TV to watch (... I'll still probably choose Netflix tbh)

Life Rambles & a Home Décor Mood Board

I've been very MIA this month in the blogging sphere. Honestly, university all got a bit much at the beginning of February and I needed some major time off from life. My wonderful boyfriend sent me some pennies and told me to get my butt on a train home for some much needed emotional R&R!

So the last few week's have been all about catching up on uni work and getting myself back on track, greatly helped by a lovely 4 year anniversary weekend with my partner in crime.
But the best news, probably of the year, was that this week my boyfriend has bought his first house and I'm going to be moving in with him in a few months after my first year at university finishes.
I can't express how freaking excited I am! We lived together for over a year in rented accommodation before I made the decision to give university a go, so being apart has been really tough.
I'm really hoping that for my second year to give commuting a try; although it's an 1hr 40 min commute, which is probably a bit mad, it is only two days a week! I think living in my own place with my best friend will greatly, greatly improve my university experience (I've really not enjoyed my time in halls).

It's a lovely terraced house and I just can't wait to get stuck in to decorating. Get some paint on the walls, put our stamp on the place and fill it with pretty things. Oh and I'm itching to try some up cycling! Very appropriate for our bank balance.
So browsing home décor on the world wide web (especially Pinterest) has become, even more, of a favourite pass time this week! I love mood boards; sometimes you know all the little elements of design that you like in your head but it's another thing to see them together in one collection. Then you can really begin to edit down and create a cohesive theme.
I know I love my neutrals. I'm completely infatuated with oak wood's and don't get me started on my deep rooted attraction to greige! Because I'm so naturally drawn to neutral's I'm aware I need to break it up with at least a bit of colour, urgh, and lots and lots of texture. I'm really attracted to green, mossy greens; and any kind of pink/berry/plum/lavender/purple shades too. I'm surprised how coherent and sophisticated the mood board looks!
I'm excited to sit down and really figure out what I'd like to do for each room, it's going to be so much fun!! Some thing's like the Laura Ashley Olivia Overmantle Mirror and the Hascombe Artichoke Ceramic Lamp Base's, which I just can't get enough of, are definitely going to be outside of our budget to start with. I'm thinking the mirror will be great inspiration for an up cycle project.
It's going to be a long time till I can own a Kitchen Aid Mixer but a girl can dream! Good old elbow grease will have to make my baked confectioneries for now, sigh.
I know our first job will be to make a list of what we need and prioritise the essentials and the desirables. This adorable Ceramic Pizza Plate really isn't essential but I will own it one day!! (aaaand probably never use it!)
I would just love to christen our first home with a Jo Malone Candle but again I think saner heads will prevail on where about that falls on the list.
I'm hoping that decorating a place with my boyfriend won't mean too many clashes on taste. One thing we can NEVER agree on when we go home furnishing browsing or swing by Homesense is clocks!
I think there will be many clock dilemmas to come in 2015. One thing we both LOVED when we saw it in Debenhams was this Vintage Mechanical Scale, so perfect. I think he's quite happy for me to take the reigns on the overall design stuff, he'll just give his approval before he unleashes me on the house.

Anyway, I really could natter on and on about house and décor things all day!

I'll be sure to share the whole decorating process right here.
So stay tunes; there'll be homewear hauls, upcycling attempts and hopefully lot's of interiors spam!